Braining

Sorry for going quiet lately. I'm trying to stuff a 570 page technical book into my brain and retain all of it, and I need to be done by the end of the month. I started on the 19th (of this month). I'm up to page 326 and my poor brain wants to tap out, but that's not an option.

In other news, I just got my first round of pre-edits on book 4, Dungeon Raiders. I will start on them as soon as I finish my tech project. And after that, I need to start on book 3.5 in the Furious Misfortune companion series.

Busy, busy, busy.

And just because, this is in the entryway of my home office.

About Olivia

I have to confess - I find flawed characters more interesting. I like a character that changes and matures through the story. Perfection has always annoyed me (hence my childhood dislike of Nancy Drew - she was too damn perfect).

My newest review of Forging Day, as of this writing anyway, was negative. The reviewer had some nice things to say - but ultimately, their main complaint was that Olivia makes bad relationship choices and acts like sex will fix all of her personal problems.

I agree. When the story begins she does make bad choices and she does have that mindset. Olivia's scars may not be visible, but she has them. The reader will find out more about her past as the series progresses. I'm thinking about one scene in particular from Family Values, but posting it would be something of a spoiler.

Anyway, back to the review. The reviewer seems to feel I'm making Olivia act that way as an excuse to force more sex into the story. Trust me, I don't need that as an excuse. Olivia acts that way because she's broken when the story starts. She's making her first baby steps after a decade of dysfunctional choices.

Emotional health is a tricky animal. Fixing it isn't like flipping a switch. Olivia's story isn't just a fantasy action/adventure story. The story is her emotional growth as a person. These things take time.

Here's a small excerpt. Olivia is the one speaking. You'll find out who she's talking to in Family Values.

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Here’s the thing. For the first time, my body is something I own. I choose who I want to be with. I make love with them because it pleases me. It’s not a question of polyamory, or swinging, or whatever you want to call it. It has to be my body and my choice. If I lose myself again, something will break inside of me, and I’m not sure anyone can fix it.

A Tale of Two Olivias

The Olivia of Forging Day was born in my head many years ago (before I had my nearly 16 year old daughter) at a tabletop post-apocalyptic Dungeons & Dragons game. Sure, there are some similarities. She has the same name. They both became Dark Elves. She had a sister named Cordelia and a brother named Leo (who was in the military), but that's about it. And I almost forgot about her flying motorcycle. That thing rocked!

I remember the original Olivia used to keep a kill count. And her favorite weapon was a Glock.

My Olivia now doesn't use guns, though her dad, a cop, did make sure she knew how to safely use a firearm. My Olivia is far more skilled at magic than old Olivia. And I didn't set out to make it that way, but my Olivia doesn't have a particularly high body count. Sure, there is a fair amount of violence in her stories, but on the way home from work today I thought about how she's been doing.

She killed one person in Forging Day, and it was self defense.
She kills dangerous slimes and critters in Family Values. Not that she doesn't intend to kill certain parties, but ...you'll see.
She doesn't actually kill anyone in California Dreaming (book 3). The old Olivia would have had a body count in this one - trust me.
Um, things get a little bloodier in book 4, Dungeon Raiders. I think people will agree with her choices, but I guess we will see when the time comes.

Old Olivia, now this was more her style.

I know we're leading up to the release day for Furious Misfortune, the companion book to Forging Day, and Family Values, the sequel to Forging Day, but I really can't wait until California Dreaming comes out too. You see Aerin, Olivia's mentor ( and she also makes an appearance in Bryan's book, Dragon's Luck) was my original Dungeons and Dragon's character from over twenty years ago.

My husband and I met playing AD&D (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons). He ran the game and I hosted the locale. Aerin, Angus, Lilah, Geneva, the kids, Cartamandua, the Llewellyns - they're all from those long ago days. Ah, if only you could see the boxes of Aerin's story. I wrote out everything longhand on tablets. I have books full of her facts and stats. I have a freaking family tree for her. I kept absolutely everything.

Yes, this is Olivia's story, but I still hold Aerin and her family dear in my heart. This was my model for Lilah. You'll meet Lilah soon enough. Don't worry.

This picture always reminded me of younger Aerin.

And so...after not blogging much, have I babbled on long enough? Believe me, I don't get tired of talking about my characters.

Until next time....

Family Values

And because I did pretty much nothing but write for a year, Family Values, the sequel to Forging Day, is due out March 1st!

All you need is love...and an exploding bluebird.

The world has settled down remarkably well in the wake of the Change that turned a full third of the Human population into Elves, Dwarves, Trolls and more. People are back at work, buses are on time, and—thankfully for Olivia Mitchell—the hospitals are learning how to care for Dark Elves. Olivia is even behaving like a responsible citizen, using her magic to help drive back the flesh-eating slime creatures and mutant coyotes emerging from the former Rocky Mountain Arsenal.

That part is easy. The rest of her life is as chaotic as ever. Her relationships are up in the air, Mikah’s parents have arrived—doing their level best to disrupt everyone’s lives—and on top of all that, Olivia just might be expecting.

Who—or what—is behind the growing disruption at the arsenal? If Olivia doesn’t want to end up a sacrifice in a fiery ritual, she’d better figure it out.

Furious Misfortune

I have release news! Furious Misfortune, the companion book to Forging Day, is due out February 16th.

The only things between the world and global apocalypse are military oddballs and mad scientists; what could possibly go wrong?

When the oddballs of Zeta Company are assigned to guard a top secret research facility they assume it’s just another in a long line of crappy punishment details. This time they’re wrong. Someone needs to salvage the situation and prevent an imminent global apocalypse. Unfortunately, they were brought to the assignment about a month too late. Now they have to win the hearts and minds of both hostile and amorous scientists. They are the only men for the job.

 The chimpanzee throws exploding poo. The tunnels are filled with flying rats and it’s almost certain they taste nothing like pumpkin pie. The Troll is a nymphomaniac. And nobody wants to milk the chupa. Zeta Company has finally found a home.

Hello 2016

I can't say that I enjoyed 2015. I'm glad it's over.

A blog seemed in order, so I thought I'd tweak it and ramble a bit.

On the good side, my first two books came out - Forging Day (book 1 in the Crucible of Change series) and Trick or Treat (as Lillian Ravenwood).
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On the bad side, my husband was diagnosed with cancer. We continue to work on his recovery.

My daughter is supposedly in 10th grade. She hasn't actually done real academics since middle school and she's on her third (and hopefully final) high school setting. How do you motivate someone to do schoolwork when they see no value in school? She's smart and creative and can be totally charming...when she wants to be. Autism + teenage girl is a stone bitch.
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And back to happier thoughts.

My co-worker is an awesome artist. He did this great cartoon for me of my daughter with her favorite best buddy - Pikachu.

This month the sequel to Forging Day is due out. It's called Family Values. Along with being a fantasy adventure story, I explore the different permutations of family - those we're born with and those we make. If it were a TV show, it would be rated TV-MA (or possibly NC-17). It's funny how graphic violence (at least here in the US) is more acceptable than graphic sex.

Anyway - 2016 is here and I have to make the best of it. My kid is doing better at this school than the last two. My husband is fighting cancer. I'd rather deal with those issues than be collecting his life insurance. The technical job in my department that I've wanted for over a year has been approved and someday may even get posted by HR. I have my fingers crossed. It would be such an amazing opportunity.

My craft business on Etsy actually made a profit for the second year in a row. It's almost like a real business. It would be doing even better if I could clone myself or spend less time playing Fallout or World of Warcraft.

Kids

I feel I should blog something, but my kid more than my story is on my mind currently. Yes, all teenagers are challenging. A smart teenage girl with autism nudges that up a few degrees. She is nominally in 10th grade at this point. I counted up - and while your typical kid will have been in three different schools at this point, she's been in eight, not counting summer school. I'm not including our few bouts of homeschooling either.

School has always been a challenge. She doesn't like school. She thinks it's boring. She doesn't connect the idea of needing an education in order to get a job and do the things she wants to do with her life (at least the ones that are consistent with reality). I suspect she has not done a normal day's school work since early in middle school. I know she hasn't at any point in 9th or 10th grade. Even when I had her work at home, it wasn't her supposed grade level.

Anyway, she is super excited about Halloween and full of grandiose ideas of costumes she'll sew (for her stuffed animal, Austin, from the Backyardigans) and treats she'll make to give away. It used to be my favorite holiday too - maybe up until 15 years ago. She asked me what happened to my Halloween spirit. I told her it was beaten out of me with a shovel - and then I had to explain that I didn't mean it literally, because she is all about literal.

There are so many memes on Facebook about choosing to be happy and choosing to see the positive. Right now I can't seem to get past feeling frustrated and helpless to improve my daughter's situation. I can't give up on school for her, especially when I know she's smart enough to excel, but how do you make someone want to learn? I ask this not from lack of trying. We've tried about every thing we can think of - rewards, consequences, changing the content to revolve around her interests - to no avail. The only one that seems to be able to make her do any academics is me, and I have to work. I can't be her full time teacher.

To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of glad I have to work. I was a work at home mom from just before her birth until the end of June last year (she was just over 14). That's a long time. I did IT support while dealing with her issues. When I go to work, I'm around nominal adults all day and I almost have a break from the other stuff. Of course there are always the calls and emails from school, but I can't be constantly summoned to come get her. "I have to work and I'm an hour away" is an awesome excuse.

I didn't choose to have a special needs child. It wasn't some deity's special plan for me. I'm not a saint. It is what it is. I wouldn't trade her for anything, and I wouldn't have another for a million dollars. I don't want people to say, "I'm sorry" when they hear she has autism. She's a great kid, except when she's not. She can be funny, clever, creative and loving. Also maddening, frustrating, stubborn, and impossible.

She's my little hatchling and I'm her dragon mama. And to all those proud parents of normal kids with those damn honor student bumper stickers - my hatchling ate your honor student.

 I’m No Saint

Don’t call me a saint.  If you do, you don’t know me.

Don’t call my child a saint either.  She’s a child, with all the craziness that entails.

Don’t tell me that ‘God’ doesn’t give you more than you can handle.

We all know there’s plenty of evidence of that to the contrary, out in the world.

I didn’t sign up for this.

I didn’t imagine this.

I don’t love my child because of her disability or in spite of her disability. 

I love her because she’s my child.

You know why I am where I am?  Because that was the only option for me.

Might for right.

Suffer no guilt.

What have you done today to make the world a better place?

That’s the code I try to live by.  I’m human – so I don’t always succeed.

Don’t call my child a saint because she has special needs.

Seeing the disability as the core of who she is  - saying she’s blessed or a saint –

That’s just as condescending as people that say she’s less, or defective.

She is not the sum of her disability.

She is her own person.

She has all the love, hate, madness, beauty, intractableness of any other child.

And she happens to have a disability or three.

And really, if you look at it, who doesn’t have something different about them?

She may have her official labels. 

Just because you don’t have one, doesn’t mean you’re that mythical person called ‘normal’.

Whoever that mystery person is, I’ve never met them.

I do what I do to care for my child – to help her grow.

I teach her manners, because they ease the way while she learns compassion.

I teach her the rules now, because they lay the rails for learning to do what’s right.

She’s the center of my universe, but don’t tell her that. 

Children are egocentric enough as it is.

I learned to speak up, from a lifetime of shyness, because I had to.

I learned to not care if what I said would rock the boat, because I had to.

I learned a million things I never wanted to know, because I had to.

I’m not a saint, and I didn’t sign up for this.

But I wouldn’t change anything either.

Noelle Meade

11/9/2012